Some times sorry is a hard thing to say… September 30, 2006

People are hurt everyday. They don’t realize it but they are. By complete strangers, loved ones, the people they thought they trusted…. Even lovers or how can i say this…. friends with benefits.

I never realised that i have hurt people in the past but i have. But when i try to say sorry its like I’m opening up a can of worms.. Every little thing becomes slimy and dirty. Its meant to be an apology but it turns out to be something that is completely the opposite. To all the people i have hurt i know you all wont be reading this (maybe its for the best) but i am sorry ……….

Why do people need to hear it. Don’t people just understand that if I’m not….. well… it has to be done.. I’m sorry. I’m sorry i ever crossed your path. I’m sorry i ever said hello. I’m sorry i ever listened to you… I’m sorry you even know my name.. I’m sorry you even have an image of my face imprinted in your memory… I’m sorry you have heard my voice… I’m sorry for treating you bad.. I’m sorry i didn’t treat you more like a human being.. I’m sorry i would rather take drugs than be with you.. I’m sorry i only rang you up when i was drunk.. I’m sorry i never picked up your calls… I’m sorry i lied to you… I’m sorry i nearly cheated on you.. I’m sorry for not cheating on you.. I’m sorry i loved you.. I’m sorry i didn’t love you.. I’m sorry for being more than a friend.. I’m sorry for being like your brother.. I’m sorry for laughing at you.. I’m sorry for making you cry.. I’m sorry for not taking a stance.. I’m sorry for not listening.. I’m sorry for not taking your side.. I’m sorry for upsetting your friend/family/dog/cat/horse/bird/fish/car/bike… I’m sorry for driving drunk.. I’m sorry for driving under influence of drugs.. I’m sorry for involving the police.. I’m sorry you had to get the police involved.. I’m sorry for the restraining order… I’m sorry for the court room dramas.. I’m sorry i ended up in hospital and forced you to sit by my bed.. I’m sorry for not buying you flowers on your birthday.. I’m sorry for the demanding life you have… I’m sorry i couldn’t be more submissive for you domineering life..I’m sorry i wanted you all to myself.. I’m sorry I was constantly ringing you.. I’m sorry i hanged out with my mates… I’m sorry i chose you over my mates.. I’m sorry I spent money on you.. I’m sorry i made you pay… I’m sorry i never made you pay for breakfast/brunch/lunch/tea/dinner… I’m sorry i was your Bitch… I’m sorry i wasn’t your bitch… I’m sorry for bieng in the same town/city/state/country/continent/hemisphere/planet/universe… I’m sorry for bieng a Human… I’m sorry i was ever born..

Now all those sorry’s go out to many different people. You pick the one that you need to make you feel better. And if I have forgotten any other sorry’s please feel free to leave a comment and I will say sorry once more to you..

thank you..

One step forward Two steps back September 28, 2006

The sun is shining, the sky is the brightest blue and not a single cloud in the sky. You can smell it in the air… close your eyes… take a deep breath… relax.. This is as good as it gets…

I guess everyone knows of one person, the pessimist, the one person who can ruin anything with a single comment, who never appreciates anything. Well they done it again. Ruined the outcome of what i thought was going to be a great future to come.

Flash back……… A few years ago i was depressed.. depressed beyond belief. I over came that but it seems to be rearing its ugly head back again. But i don’t need to fall into that trap again.. i don’t.. but why do i feel as though it is coming back to reap the happiness from my soul.. I’m strong.. well i thought i was.. but in reality I’m weak. i can hand out advise to people who ask for it.. tell them its this and that and they thank me and i feel great about myself.. but i can not do the same for myself…. oh how i am a pitifully human being.. thank you.. You know who you are.. You never want me to be happy.. You blood sucking whore.. ill leave it at that…

i am afraid

there is no where to turn…

i am surrounded

by your ignorance…

SURROUNDED BY SO MANY…

i still cant get away from

my own loneliness…..

my sorrow

i reach out

YELL and SCREAM

YET……………………………

from the hundreds that are listening there is no response.

While stuck in Traffic September 26, 2006

Sometimes people do go mad in traffic. All you have to do is look around you. For instance today in the usual traffic jam on the famous Melbourne Car park (Monash Freeway) I began to observe people, the usual nose pickers and the “I’m so late for work ill brush my teeth, have a shave, eat a bowl a cereal” people are normal but you get a few freaks. People who talk to themselves (not on mobiles with hands frees) out loud arguing with the state of the traffic you can see the anger the hatred they have of the cars in front of them, that they have to explode and start yelling. Then there are the in car Ravers, who dance in there seats oblivious to the entire world until they notice you looking at them and smiling which makes them stop. Wait… Who am i to judge them as being crazy. I do that all the time and i would assume I’m sane. The real crazies are the ones who don’t move and just stare straight ahead. Who knows what those nut bags are thinking.. trying to figure out how to the rule the world or who they would like to assassinate. Let it be known i have warned you in advanced.. THOSE BLOODY NEO FASICTS.